There Are Four Days Until NaNoWriMo 2016

nanowrimo_2016_webbanner_participant

I suppose the title says enough. There are four days now until November first. As some of you might know, November first, for some, marks the beginning of the years most hectic month, but not because of Christmas shopping and turkey basting. It’s hectic because we get to begin a lot of that and write a novel. If you haven’t already read my first NaNoWriMo post, I encourage you to do so here. I won’t go over survival tips at this time, since I have some of the main ones in the last post. I am here to encourage you.

I didn’t do NaNo the first year I learned of it. I thought my friends were nuts for trying to do such a thing, especially since we were all in high school at the time. I had been writing but everything I wrote was small. Mostly short stories and poems. I didn’t think a high schooler was capable of writing something that long, after all we were still learning the basics, weren’t we? I was mistaken of course, and it wasn’t until the next year that I realized it. As my friends became more and more comfortable with sharing their work, I started to realize that someone so young could still write well regardless of how many classes they took. Writing isn’t about how many classes you have under your belt, nor is it about how official the writing is. What I learned is that to be a writer, you have to write. You can’t wait until you’re ready to write. You have to just do it, and poorly. You write poorly for however long it takes until you learn on your own what your own voice sounds like. Each writer has their own voice, and the words you use only help your voice, but no matter how many fancy words you throw in there, your voice is still your voice. So just write.

I can barely even share my writing with the world, but I’m going to write a novel. I already have a novel written, and two half complete novels. Those were the stories I  gave up on and then proceeded to beat myself up over. What kind of writer gives up on their writing? Truth is, most. In fact, they all might have given up on a story at one time or another. Not all stories are meant to be published, or even finished. There’s nothing wrong with that. I just suggest not giving up on each and every story, there are some that will sweep you away in the blink of an eye and you’ll be along for the journey just as your readers will be. Writing is fun and I encourage you to seek out the thrill of writing a story. It’s addicting too, so before you know it you’ll have plenty of notebooks filled up with different colored inks and quotes wrapped around your wrists and arms. Trust me, that was our thing in high school.

Don’t give up, if you’ve considered participating in a NaNoWriMo season, I strongly suggest you go along with it. The mere curiosity is proof enough that you are ready, otherwise you’d be wondering about cutting out paper snowflakes or which dumplings are best, the poofy light ones that float to the top of the gravy or the ones that are dense and doughy and sink to the bottom. You’re wondering about writing, writing a novel at that, so I say you’re ready. The time doesn’t get more perfect than it is now, with NaNo in just four days. You even have enough time to plan, considering most seasoned WriMo’s don’t even do that much before November first.

Give it a try, I promise you’ll like it.

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Two Weeks In: The Beginning Of A Vegetarian Life?

So, a little over two weeks ago I stated that I was going to try and remove meat from my diet. I was reluctant to say the word vegetarian, however. I couldn’t even say it to my boyfriend, or my family. I told them “I want to eat as little meat as possible.” Yeah, that’s why I went out on payday and bought all of the veggies I could get my hands on. Seriously. I never used to buy so many veggies, and if I did chances are they were frozen. Now, there isn’t anything wrong with frozen veggies, let me start there. But this time around, instead of my frozen corn and brussel sprouts, I got all sorts of lettuces that I’ve never tried, broccoli, carrots, artichokes, green onions, cilantro and that’s just the few that come to the top of my head. I’ve never really had room in my budget for fresh produce because I was saving most of my money for meat.

That’s the first thing I noticed, more money for the things that make me feel good, that until now were a luxury. Really. Artihcokes were a luxury. I couldn’t condone spending a whole dollar on the worlds smallest artichoke, when you only get such a tiny amount to eat from them. I bought two, and it didn’t even hurt. I couldn’t condone spending so much on herbs that I could just grow, so I’ve rarely bought herbs from a store unless they were dried. (And I still think growing them is the preferred method.) I even spent the extra dollar to buy dried beans because you get more in a bag than you do in a can. I’ve never even had a reason to do so until now. But beans are soon to be my main course in at least a few meals, I have the reason to get all fancy with my beans.

Why does it all feel so fancy? Buying fresh produce feels freakin’ fancy right now. And that’s not even considering the food I’ve made with it. Walking out of the super market with a paper bag (one paper bag, already less waste!) full of produce is kind of fancy. That’s what you see in comercials on prime time tv. It feels fancy because meat was always my mian course, meat is expensive, I never had the extra money for the produce to go with the meat, unless it was potatoes and an onion.

So, that’s my shopping experience. Filling up my cart with produce as my boyfriend shops for the biggest piece of meat that he can find that won’t break his wallet and will feed him for a week, I’ve got the whole top part of the cart full and he’s got just one measly package of meat and some cheese in his (and eventually he grabbed greenbeans to make stew). Onto the kitchen. I spent that afternoon cooking.I made myself some sesame noodles, which turned into a few lunches last week. I also made some rice and bean concoction, mixing crushed tomatoes, cheddar cheese, cilantro, green onion and carrots into it. This became the stuffing for some tortilla burritos, which became the other half of my lunches for the week. I had already been having overnight oats for breakfast in the mornings, so that was a quick and easy thing to make up every couple of nights. Then I had to figure out something for dinners, which wasn’t terribly hard. One of the nights I went out with my dad and his girlfriend, and I decided to try a veggie calzone with mushrooms, olives and broccoli. That turned out to be delicious, and I have no regrets. I had the two artichokes another night, stir fried broccoli, mushrooms, onions, sesame noodles and carrots another night. My favorite by far however was this recipe for roasted four cheese spaghetti squash. I could eat that every day, and I only had to make on change to it. Instead of using chicken boullion, I simply used a few spices I would put on a chicken myself, only because I’m not sure what “chicken powder” is, and that was the main ingredient in the boullion cube.

I’ve found, within the first two weeks, the most important tips a new vegetarian could find. Prep your meals. Always. Prep them, and also, shop for certain recipes. Make sure you’re buying what you need, rather than random things that you’ll throw together later in the week. Make sure what you’re buying can go together, or you risk having to go out again in the week for more ingredients, or whole meals. The second tip I’ve found is to not worry about your label. I feel odd calling myself vegetarian, I am afterall a very very new vegetarian. So am I really a vegetarian? I’m not a seasoned vegetarian anyway, so the word still leaves something of an aftertaste in my mouth. Forget labels. You’re not a vegetarian, you’re not anything. Just a human trying to eat, which happens to be humanities favorite past time, we even do it while experiencing our other favorite past times. When addressing my family, and my new diet, I left out the world vegetarian. They were the first to call me anything, and it was okay. No weird after taste, just pure conversation as I explained the things that turned me onto this new life style.

Turns out, I’m liking this a lot. I’m not finding many difficulties with it, and I’m already seeing good side effects. The most obvious was the money situation. I’m not struggling to keep my cart below a certain amount, in fact I’m struggling to spend everything in the budget. But I’m also mostly headache free, I’ve had one over the past two weeks, which is like  an all time low. I’m regular in the bathroom (sorry if that’s tmi, but it’s important even if we don’t talk about it.) I find that I have more energy already, I don’t get tired until sun down, where before I was yawning as early as noon. I’m finding that I’m fuller longer, and when I am full it’s not uncomfortable. I think these are all good things, and I’ll keep you updated on whatever else I notice.

The first two weeks have been successful, and I think this week I’ll be trying a new recipe. Something comforting as we fall into the fall season, litearlly. Roasted Garlic Cauliflower Chowder. I’ll let you all know how it goes!

NaNoWriMo 2016

All about NaNoWriMo

To those of you who don’t know what NaNoWriMo is, it is National Novel Writing Month. It’s a writing challenge that takes place during the month of November, from November 1st to November 30th. The goal is to write 50,000 words within those 30 days. The rules are that you have to write every word within those 30 days, midnight to midnight. I suppose that’s the only rule. Lots of people start something new, but it doesn’t have to be new. It can even be a re-write of something old, as long as all 50,000 words are newly written during November. You update your word count on the very useful website NaNoWriMo.org. I have been doing this for almost 5 years now, but the only year I have officially completed was last year. The two years previous to that I was unable to update online, so they kind of didn’t count.

I had been editing last year’s NaNo, and even added to it during Camp NaNo, which takes place during the months of April and July. During Camp Nano, you are able to choose your word count goal, and change it at any time. I chose 25,000 for both, but because I was moving during July, I was unable to continue that month. I’m actually going to start something new this year.

So what do you do if you’re interested in NaNoWriMo?

The very first thing I would suggest doing is breathe. 50,ooo words sounds like a lot. In some ways, it is a lot. But remember this. Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone is only 90,000 words. That book doesn’t take too long to read, and it kicked off an insanely amazing series, who’s books only grew in size. 50,000 is a good start to a rough draft, and since NaNoWriMo is intended to be only the rough draft, I’d say don’t worry too much about how large of a number 50,000 is.

The idea behind NaNo (short for NaNoWriMo) is that we are all getting ready to build a sand castle. What’s the first thing you do when you build a sand castle? You gather the sand. Each and every word is a grain of sand. Your completed NaNo will be the sand you need to mold a castle. Most WriMo’s (NaNo writers) go back and edit during December and January.

So, you’ve decided to do NaNo. Okay. Gather some materials now. I’d say one notebook, a few pens, a highlighter or two, coffee (or tea/soda) and some munchies. You’re about to start a long process. I never start with the title. In fact, I don’t start with much except for one simple sentence. I expand on that when something comes to me, but other than that I move down to the next line and start another sentence. This is how I find the topic I will eventually write about. Keep a notebook, or folded piece of scribble paper handy. October is going to be a crucial month, this is the time where you get ready to write. All of the planning, if any, will be done now.

You’ve got your materials now, and a few ideas. Start forming characters, worlds, plots and my favorite part, the villains. Just brainstorm. All over the notebook. I don’t spend much time thinking either, if you over think, nothing gets written down. Just write. That’s how NaNo goes.

There is something very important you need to know about NaNo

The most important tip I have for you is this:

Do. Not. Edit. 

The month of November is not for editing. It’s for writing. Brainstorming. It’s for mistakes and mind changes. But whatever you do, do not put that pinky on the backspace button! Even if you forget a period or to capitalize a characters name. Even if you forgot to put the before the e. Just keep writing.

It’s almost November

Now, you’ve gone through the first motions of creating a book baby. You’ve created a few characters, an intriguing world, and a semi formed plot twist. You have notes scribbled in the margins of the notebook and you’ve found your favorite pen. What now? Well, it’ll almost be November now. It’s almost time to start your NaNo. What you need to know about writing is that there are certain programs that will help you during this time. My favorite one is Scrivener. They offer a  free 30 day trial (and a discount to all winners). What better time to try out the program than during your NaNo? Spend some time looking over the details of the program and see if it’s for you. There are numerous videos on youtube showing how to use the program. On Nov 1st, go ahead and activate the free trial. It’ll help more than I can describe.

Do I have any tips for you?

I’ve already told you not to edit. So I stress, don’t edit! But beyond that, I need you to know that there are other tips that can help you survive NaNoWriMo. Let your family and friends know what you’re doing. Writing 50,000 words isn’t easy, and it takes up a bit of time. Be prepared to spend lots of November doing nothing but writing. I like to try and keep myself a day ahead. I always start out with a bang, I over write. I try to keep up on that as long as possible because at some point something is going to happen that is going to make you lose a day or two. If you have a healthy amount of extra words, you can safely lose this time and not fall behind on NaNo. Which brings me to my second very important tip.

DO NOT FALL BEHIND. I really do mean this. Falling behind is what causes lots of WriMo’s to quite early. It becomes overwhelming and feels like a task that you no longer want to do. Try not to fall behind, and the best way I can say to do this is to write what you can. If you’re having a seriously busy day, don’t just put off your words for the next day. Try your hardest to get any amount of time in, weather it’s 15 minutes or 30. Half of your daily count means you won’t have as much to make up the next day.

Another thing that helps me is to do sprints. Set a timer, shut off any electronics, disconnect the internet if you must. Turn off the tv and close the door. The timer should be set for an amount of time that you feel comfortable with, 15-30 minutes. Write that entire time. I usually can get away with doing this twice a day and I end up with my daily count.

Speaking of which, you will have to write 1,667 words a day. That usually takes me about an hour, I type quickly. I suggest trying to work on how quickly and efficiently you can type in the month of October. You’re going to need it.

Sleep when you are tired. I remember last year when I was writing. I refused to drink coffee because I knew that once I got my word count in, I was going to go to sleep for the night. Half way through my writing I ended up dozing off, while typing. I guess it was more like a trance in which I was daydreaming, typing with my eyes shut. Somehow, my sci-fi character began talking about rescuing the second main character from “Hogwartz”. Just like that. I began rambling about this. Before I knew it, I had my word count, but it was all about this “Hogwartz” place. Get your sleep folks.

My final piece of advice? Don’t give up. Please. I beg you. Do not give up. This is important work. It’s a story itching to get out of you. It’s an entire world that will never exist if you don’t put it on paper. It’s a part of you that the world might never know, unless you write it down. Whatever you do, push through it, and keep pushing. Push until you can’t anymore, and then push some more. What you’re doing this November could change your entire world. Remember that. Look forward to how it will feel to have an entire novel at the end of November.

 

If you are going to do NaNoWriMo this year, I encourage you to share with everyone else. I encourage you to have fun with it. Insert tiny t-rex characters or a character that owns a cat who likes to cuddle the character’s left shoe. Be silly. Be serious. Make jokes. Be who you really are, and don’t doubt. At the end of this, if you don’t like it, you don’t have to show a single person. You don’t send your actual words to anyone, only the word count.

I wish you good luck, and happy typing. 🙂

 

Find Something To Love

I used to hate mornings. They suck. You get woken up from a good dream and your blankets have accepted you as one of them as you slept. Now you are laying in the most cozy place known to man, and usually you have no choice but to get up. I hate that part. 

Because I hate getting up so much, I have developed a routine. I give myself extra time. Not to put on make up or watch the news. I make a quick cup of coffee or tea and I sit. No TV. No phone. Just me and one of my cats who is purring away. I hate getting up still, but I love mornings. 

You have to find something you enjoy. Especially if you are looking for something you enjoy during something you detest. Live in the now. You hate going to work, but right now you are sitting in your comfy pajamas, sipping some tasty warm beverage. Love that. Love the music on the ride to work. Love the chair you sit in or the customers you deal with at work. Struggling to love mornings taught me that I can love my day even if I’m doing things I would rather not be doing. And in time, I’ll be doing exactly what I want to do. 

Time

It’s taken me a long time to figure out why my boyfriend is adamant that time doesn’t actually exist. I mean, we are still 2.5 million light-years from our closest neighbor galaxy Andromeda, but in nature the light-year is nothing. It still takes me four minutes to walk from here to the closest store but again, in nature this four minutes is nothing. When I asked him when he first said this to me how that could be, his response was simply “It all happens at once.” I laughed. I had never challenged time before, I only accepted it, but after some time (haha yes after some time) I began to realize exactly what he had been talking about.

What I had accepted as time was something I knew to be fluid since my very first Earth Science class in high school. I had always been obsessed with Earth Science and didn’t really actually learn anything other than what I’m about to tell you, but I went home that day and I told my dad exactly what it was that I had learned. Time is relative. My teacher had explained to us that day that if you took two atomic clocks, the most correct clocks known to man, and you leave one on Earth’s surface and take the second and fly it as high as you can into the atmosphere, it’s going to be a teeny tiny bit different when you compare it to the one that was left on Earth’s surface. Now how can that be!? The theory is that time will be experienced at different rates at different points. So for instance, if you put on a pot of water and stand there to watch it boil, it will take what feels like forever. Alternately, if you were to go read a book sitting near the stove to listen for the bubbling, it wouldn’t actually take that long at all. That’s relative time. That’s fluid time. You yourself are experiencing relative time.

So in a way, I knew that time didn’t exist, that it was a man made idea. The Universe is not ruled by time as we are. It was around this time that I started taking my mind off of our beautiful and amazing Earth and began looking more outward. I had always been curious about space, but at this point my curiosities began to take over. I was reminded this morning about this idea because my boyfriend doesn’t seem to live within the same time as everyone else seems to. I can sit there and read for an hour or two but I know it’s been roughly an hour or two. Him on the other hand? He can be off in his world doing whatever it is that he’s doing and he will never ever feel like it has been more than about fifteen minutes. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to remind him that it’s been an hour and he’s gotta work because he just doesn’t feel time. That’s what happened this morning.

We live with my dad. We just moved and needed a place to get on our feet again and with my dad going through a divorce this was the perfect place to be. My dad is only here on the weekends however, (we get to help him out by maintaining the house while he is off at work) and so I tend to stay up a little longer on the weekends and talk. That’s what we do, we talk our hearts out. So I’m up late last night, and our doorbell doesn’t work and I’m waiting for a package to come. I’m sleeping on the couch, very tired, when someone is pounding on the door. Not the guy delivering the package, but my boyfriends boss. He’s come to our house because my boyfriend (and myself) slept in, ten minutes past the beginning of his shift. Lucky him to have a cool boss. I’m sitting here though, fully awake now, and it’s down pouring outside. I feel like it’s 6am. I’m not even hungry yet. My body hasn’t figured out that it’s actually 1pm and that I haven’t had a bite to eat, or a cup of tea. That’s what got me thinking again about how time actually might not exist. Some of us don’t live in a place where time does exist.

Look, for example, at the plants in your front yard. They are not growing in a way that keeps them attached to time. They don’t think “Hey, it’s been exactly three days, I need to grow an inch.” They grow according to their conditions. As do we, and every other living being. And I can tell you for a fact, that none of my three cats live according to any time frame. It’s three in the morning and sometimes they are sleeping and sometimes they are awake. On the occasions that they actually are awake, they are raising hell through the living room and hallway as if it were the middle of the day. We used to live by the sun. So during the summers we were up for longer due to the sun being ‘out’ longer. And the opposite was true during the winter. We didn’t say “Oh, it’s 8 o’clock, lets get ready for bed.” That’s part of the problem with society these days, at least from a medical standpoint. We are driving ourselves mad by not getting enough sleep and by not sleeping on a regular schedule. We have created the concept of time and live by hours on a clock, not by nature. I’m not saying there’s anything terribly wrong with this, but I think that maybe it would be good for us to live a little more by the sun when we can. As of right now, I’m jobless, searching for a job in this town, and I have that opportunity. I’ve been doing so during the week and I think that’s why I was thrown off today. It’s raining, I was up late, and time doesn’t exist, so I slept in.

Please don’t use that as an excuse when you’re late to work or school though. I don’t think that’s an excuse most would approve of. When I have my bookshop though, you can work for me and I’ll at least understand where you’re coming from because I’ll be coming from the same place.

So, what can you expect to see in this blog?

I’ve told you a tiny bit about myself, and I suspect that we might become good friends through this blog as I continue to add to it. It’s still a baby now, remember that. We both will have to put effort into this blog baby, I have to nourish it and fill it with ideas while you get to be the distant Grandmother, coming to visit on the holidays. I’ll be sure to put up plenty of material to keep you entertained and to show my love, and you can sit back and relax, receiving all of the gifts my blog has to offer.

What I didn’t tell you in the first post was that I’m a writer. (Though, I’m sure you gathered that much, I mean this is a blog isn’t it?) I’ve been writing fiction since my school years (so at least eleven years) as an escape from the world. I tried once to write a novel, when I was younger and first coming into my passion of writing. It didn’t get anywhere, the chapters were short and I had only gotten half way through the introduction of the character and world before I gave up. Since then I have attempted to do more. I have taken part in National Novel Month (nanowrimo.org) and spent time writing whatever came to mind. I used to write quite a bit. I went on hiatus for about two years, not writing anything at all, but I’m jumping back on that horse. You might get to see little tidbits (or full segments and stories) of my stories, or any poems I write. Sometimes I can’t help but share. That being said, I’m likely going to let you know what other pieces of writing have caught my fancy, so you’ll get recommendations as well.

Mostly, however, I’ll talk about the things that I see happening in this world. I’ll get deep. I’ll skim the surface. I’ll write about whatever I feel, because when I write I just let my fingers do the talking. I just type and type, whatever comes to mind will come out in this blog. It’ll usually be unfiltered. (So yes, there might be swearing.) I’ll write about things that make me mad or sad, things I think the world could do without, but I’ll also talk about how I think we could change those things. I’ll write about the cute things I find, and share pictures I take and tell you stories that happen to me in my life. I’ll even ask you questions. When I found this blog site, I realized that there is a comment section, and I dig that. Love it. Ask me anything. Feel free to add to my conversation with your own beautiful words. And don’t be shy, really. I don’t bite, and I won’t allow others to bite. But that means you can request things for me to discuss here as well. If you are craving a discussion about your new favorite book, let me know. I’ll find it and I’ll read it and we’ll talk! I’m looking to learn as much from this blog as I am looking to teach, which is a lot.

I wanted to be a teacher when I was in school. I had a troubled childhood and some of my teachers reached out to me and made my school years much better. So much better in fact that I would have rather been at school than at home, even if it was testing season. (I hate tests.) I decided that I wanted to be that for another person someday. I wanted to be the reason they didn’t give up when they literally had nothing else, because I had nothing else. I lost almost all of my friends and I was being abused at home. With nowhere to turn, I was very close to losing myself. I was lucky enough to have some pretty amazing teachers, but the thing is, they weren’t treating me like that because they knew I was abused. I actually don’t think they knew. They just had the type of personality that would feed a hungry seed instead of give it the recommended amount of water and then walk away. They saw that I was thirsty to learn and they catered to that every step of the way. I had a teacher that would even loan me books from her personal stash. I went back for the next three years of my high school career to borrow her books and see what she was reading now. I desired to be that for someone else.

What I didn’t know was that there are other ways to be that. Being a teacher is just the only thing I had seen. Unfortunately, at one point in my life, my family left me. I’ll save that for a heavier post because it’s got some triggers in it and it’ll take me off topic. But the point is that for the span of a few years, I was family-less. I had never seen a supportive family and I was bullied in school. I did have a small group of friends, but almost none of them knew what was happening in my home life. I was ashamed of it. All I had ever seen of a support group were my teachers. Of course, I know now that there are other ways to teach and to make a difference. And with America’s failing education system, I’m better off finding an alternate. (It’s not the teachers fault, but rather the government that won’t let the teachers teach.) So you might come here and find posts geared to teach you a thing or two. Be warned, those posts will be open, I want you to discuss and ask questions. I am not the all knowing power, I will never claim to know everything. You can teach me also. So if I’m going on and on trying to teach you a thing or two and I’m missing a point or two, go ahead and let me know.

After all, we are all teachers.

Will I talk about politics? Maybe. I can’t say that I won’t. But also, I’ll lay this out here right now. I’m not terribly knowledgeable about the topic. I never really cared for our political system. I am sort of following it now, enough to know that I don’t want either Trump or Hillary to win, but I only just started paying attention this year. So chances are, I won’t be talking much about it. It’s not a system I want to live by anyway.

Will I be covering movies and TV shows? Perhaps. I don’t spend a ton of time watching either. I watch more movies than shows, and I’ll say this right now. The Alien franchise is my favorite. I enjoy Star Wars and Star Trek. I’m a nerd. So of course there are things I do watch and enjoy, but as of right now the only two TV shows I wait around for is Game of Thrones and American Horror Story. Ive watched others, and I’m willing to watch them, but it takes me a while to get through a show.

So you’ll be talking about books then? Yeah, probably. I’ll let you guys know what books I’m reading (Currently The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood) and I might review them. If I think the whole world should read that book, yes I’ll talk about it. I’m a huge Harry Potter fan, I’m the lucky generation that go to grow up reading it. Don’t get me started on that though, that’s a whole post (and then some) worth of fan girling and talking and theories and debates and happiness and sadness and anger, but mostly the craving of butter beer.

Basically, I’ll be talking about everything. And anything. Some posts will be short, others will be long. I might even just upload an image with just a sentence or two attached. (Especially since you don’t know my cats yet. I have to show you my cats!)

What are you likely to hear a lot about? Tea. I can guarantee you that each post will be fueled by tea. Most likely Earl Grey, but there are a great many teas that I drink. Earl Grey is just my go to. It’s my love. It’s probably what my soul smells like at this point in life. When I die, I will likely be reborn as bergamot and I’m okay with that. I’ll try to keep my rants about tea down to a minimum one post a month. I won’t overload you too much.

I really hope I’ve made it clear that I’ll be talking about anything that strikes my fancy. That’s the point of this post. Clearly?

Welcome to my first post

Hello, I suppose the first thing I should do is tell you about myself. I’m a 24 year old Taurus bull, true to my nature I butt heads with just about everyone. I’ve always struggled with this, always had those moments where I wondered if I had just scared someone away, and then not giving one care weather or not I did. I’m blunt, I’m harsh, sometimes I don’t think before I speak, but I always love. I think that’s what people always forget about me. I love, and I love harder than anyone I know aside from my boyfriend (must be why we are together right?). It seems that sometimes I can’t contain my passion, I can’t contain the amount of love I have and with that comes disgust for the ‘anti-love’. I have disgust for the things that promote hate, and remember when I said I am blunt? How about when I said I sometimes don’t think?

Yeah, that comes from my passion. Blind passion I like to call it. Here’s an example. I’ve been struggling for a long time with my sexuality. I’m not gay, but I have such a hard time saying I’m straight because the feminine form is beautiful-sometimes more beautiful than anything I’ve ever seen. So, am I straight? Who knows. But this specific question is what causes me to lean towards pro-gay rights. Alright, I don’t lean towards it, I’m all for it. One hundred and ten percent and then some. So when gay marriage was federally legalized in the States, my heart soared. I even cried, I was so happy. But of course there was an instant backlash online (and in person) of all kinds of people hating on gay marriage. My blind passion kicked in then. I actually wanted to delete everyone off of my social media. I couldn’t stand seeing people hating, I mean why!? For what reason? Because now a man and man can marry? What’s it to ya? Really now, I felt so overwhelmed with the joy of all of the people that must have been so happy that they could finally marry that I hadn’t prepared myself for the amount of negativity that was about to suddenly pour out of so many people. I did delete people. Lots of them. People I had been friends with for so long, and new friends. I couldn’t stand the things that were posted because each time they were posted and I saw them, it felt as if someone had taken a knife and dug it right into my chest. Through my heart. Blind passion might someday kill me.

I don’t think. I should. But sometimes the emotion just comes on so quick that I don’t even know it’s happening and before I know it I’m in some kind of debate about some issue that I never thought I’d have to debate about. Because I think all humans should be free and resonate with love, I tend to forget that not everyone is like that. I’m actually kind of rare among some circles.

So I decided to create a safe place to come, when the world seems to be too much, and you don’t seem to belong. My preferred place would be in my own book store, with a small coffee and tea shop, selling my grandmothers hand made goodies (oh her cooking is amazing). I imagine I’d have gay pride and coexist stickers on the windows. I’d be therapy pet friendly. Use my back room for people who need to use the space for meetings or presentations, give all of my unsold food to the homeless and needy. My vision involves anyone and everyone who is full of love, no matter the belief system, sexual orientation, skin color, age ect. But I just don’t have the means to open such a shop right now. This will have to do. I only hope that it will reach those who need it, those who feel alone and have nowhere to turn. I felt that way, and sometimes still feel that way. This world is so full of those who only see the world through a tiny window, but I feel that I see the entire Universe but I’m not seeing it through a window of any sort. I am the Universe. We are the Universe. We are one.